Erik Drost/Flickr
Politics /22 Mar 2019
03.22.19

A Stump Speech for Beto

As far as I’m concerned, the best news, in fact just about the only good news, from the national political front these days is the announcement that Beto O’Rourke has jumped into the already crowded race to become the Democratic Presidential candidate. I don’t know what he stands for…and I don’t care. As he says himself all the Democratic hopefuls are better than our sorry-assed lunatic of a President. But there’s another reason I don’t care about the positions many of the other wannabe Presidents are taking on such things as the Green New Deal, the rise of domestic terrorism, the deep division of the American electorate, and a “Conservative” Republican administration that thinks what the nation needs is more money in the wallets of the rich and ballooning deficits to be lowered by cutting programs to the poor, printing more money, and perhaps declaring bankruptcy. I don’t care because none of those problems will ever be addressed, much less solved, until problems one and two, the 800-pound gorilla problems in the room, are solved first.

Problem one is Trump. Get rid of him. Forget about impeachment, there’s not enough time left for that between now and November of next year. Not enough time even if he could be impeached, and removed, from office by then. The only clean way to get rid of him is at the ballot box. The only sure way is to get rid of him is at the ballot box. Don’t assume that he will be easy to get rid of. He may be a political basket case but never, never underestimate the natural ability of the Democratic Party to shoot itself in the foot; or for some puffed-up billionaire political dilettante to decide that a few of those billions might buy him the White House. Remember George McGovern, remember H. Ross Perot, and don’t forget Ralph Nader.

Problem two is the Republican Senate. Assuming problem one is solved at the ballot box the Democrats must also remove at least three Republican Senators. Preferably Mitch McConnell, Lindsay Graham, and a player to be named later. But any three will do, I’m not that picky. That shouldn’t be too hard, though once again Democrats could make hard work of it by wandering off to St. Bernie’s utopian la-la land or arguing over what should be done when their party takes power before it can take power. The Republicans deserve a good long time to wander in the political wilderness, but maybe there are enough of them who still have their wits, and their hearts, about them to rebuild a party that at least somewhat resembles the moderate fiscally responsible GOP of years past.

So, if I don’t care what Beto’s positions on the issues are at this point. Why do I like him more than the others? It’s his attitude. He comes out swinging, arms waving, loose as a goose, the fire in his belly clear for everyone to see. Not the usual polite, subdued, rational, boring kind of candidate the Dems often put forth. No Al Gore or John Kerry or Hilary Clinton. A “Happy Warrior” in the tradition of the late Hubert Humphrey who enjoys campaigning and doesn’t go around telling people he’s not a politician. A guy who’s got nothin’ to lose and is ready to rumble. Young enough to rumble too. Makes Trump look like the bloated sour whining old windbag he is. Makes him look like your old obnoxious opinionated Uncle Fud, the one you’d always like to find a way to exclude from family gatherings. And his main message so far has been “Dump Trump!” That’s enough for me. Do you want focus? That’s it. I’ve taken the liberty of composing a standard stump speech for Beto which can be delivered with minor variations from Peoria to Pawtuxet to Pasadena. A speech that contains everything that needs to be said:

Friends and fellow Americans. Our great country is in trouble. The prime source of that trouble is not from without but from within. The Democracy we’ve been so proud of for 243 years is threatened by its own President and the cowardly deluded wretches who support him. What was once called the Free World is in danger of being overwhelmed by the forces of hate, bigotry, nativism, xenophobia, and fascism. Hitler and Mussolini have risen from their graves to help Trump Make America Great Again using the same tools they employed to build their ephemeral Thousand Year Reich’s and New Roman Empires. Stalin has been resurrected in the form of Czar Vlad the First and has become Trump’s bosom buddy. Trump admires, even worships, dictators and thugs while attacking Canada and New Zealand.

While Trump builds walls to repel conjured up brown hordes of murderers, rapists and drug peddlers America grows its own mass murderers and White Supremacists with his blessing and back-handed encouragement. The man who has built his career on peddling hate deplores it weakly on occasion just for the record, but his actions are hateful regardless of what he says. The man whose favorite expression is “I’m gonna’ push back” pushes back against everybody except the filthy rich crooks and cronies who support him. Pushes back even against his “hardcore” followers though they are too besotted with him to realize it. They’d drink his Kool-ade if he told them to. Would probably ask for seconds if the first glass didn’t kill them.

And when he isn’t busy destroying Democracy, he’s undermining the legitimacy and credibility of the US government and the institutions that support it. Calling the best minds of our Intelligence Services wrong. Getting his intel from Fox News, Rant Radio; and by pulling it out of his ass. Calling our courts and FBI and Justice Department corrupt, incompetent and politicized when they have the temerity to prosecute, and convict, the creatures of the foul human cesspool he surrounds himself with. The pathological liar who wouldn’t know the truth if it snuck up and bit him in the ass rails against “fake news.” Calls people names like a peevish five-year-old. Badmouths not only the living but the dead. Calls government agencies incompetent while appointing fat cat lobbyists from the corporations they regulate to dismember them.

There is only one form of human life lower than Donald Trump and that is his supporters in Congress. The people who enable this out of control power addict of a President. The people who feed his enormously enlarged ego. Those who tell this naked Emperor that his outfits are fabulous. Some of them love what he’s doing. Can’t wait to see the Federal Government, hell, all government, shrunken and enfeebled. Can’t wait to warm relations with the Kremlin and the Saudis and dear sweet Kimmie by ignoring their bloody deeds. Others are cowards so ripe for his bullying that they fear to cross him. The biggest coward of them all is his own Vice President. He even shows his cowardice wordlessly.

In a White House photo op some time ago Trump’s high command is gathered around a table with His Magnificence at the head and his faithful dog Mike Pence to the right of him. Trump for some reason known only to himself snatches up the small pitcher near his right hand and places it on the floor next to his feet. For a split-second Pence is stunned, like a deer caught in the headlights, fear in his eyes. Then he quickly and nervously grabs his pitcher of water and puts it next to his feet. That says it all. Ten thousand words of explanation could not reverse that revealed truth. Another reason not to impeach Trump.

Here is the threat that faces us my fellow Americans. The antidote for America’s current political affliction is at the ballot box. We must act together to apply it and make the American Dream work again, for everybody. Make America respected again instead of laughed at as it is now. Make America moral again which cannot be done by the most immoral President in the history of this nation. Make America trusted again which cannot be done by a President who is incapable of telling the truth. Make America intelligent again which cannot be done by a President who oozes ignorance and stupidity. Make America the America our Founding Fathers intended it to be, not some tinpot banana republic run by “Our Dear Leader” Trump and his greedy conniving family.

Once we have redeemed the American Dream, we can address America’s other pressing problems. If we fail to redeem that Dream those problems will never be addressed, and Trump and his cronies may well succeed in creating his Fascist Amerika!

If you're interested in writing for International Policy Digest - please send us an email via submissions@intpolicydigest.org